Monday, May 11, 2009
Always A Mother,Never A Friend.
Some might wonder why the hell are you blogging if you don't want to share things with other people? Well I think it is because I feel safe because people don't know who I am and eventhough they read the things that happened, they really don't know what the hell is going on and what I have been through.What I have wrote and documented is just a rough story that have been simplified because I choose not to spill all of it.
My mother wonder and tell me how she feels.She told me on Mother's Day that she feels like she is losing me.She feels like we are growing apart and she thinks that there is nothing that she can do to fix it.She said that just the thought of one of her offspring being taken away,dead or separated from her is enough to make her to cry until she bleed.
I know that for this past few years there have been some rough patch between us.I know that some of my actions may have cross the line.I have nothing to say to defend myself.Eventhough people says that honesty is the best policy, I remains to keep the truth for I know that the truth that I'm keeping for you hurts.So I choose not to hurt you.I dont show how I appreciate you.You might think that I don't love you for the things that you have done in the past.You might think that I haven't forgive you, but trust me I'm really trying.If growing apart and emotionally empty is the solution, then that is the risk that I'm willing to take.
X+Kwok: Selamat Hari Ibu Ma.
Ma: Terima kasih sebab Along dengan Kwok dapat terima Ma seadanya.
*sigh* I know that we sound cold and plain.Our wishes is so cliche and blase.It seem like we didn't really mean it but I hope that you can see that still deep down inside we still have a shred of respect and love for you even if it is a shred, We are still trying to regain everything and fix everything.So Ma I hope that you understand that Kwok and me still love you eventhough we didn't show it like others.We are trying to grow back the love that have been lost once.
I think it may have been about a week or so since I last updating my blog.A lot of things happened but I don't know whether to post it or not.Anyway because of I have nowhere to tell my problems and silly whine.I became disoriented.I don't feel comfortable sharing and opening up to people.Even if it were my mother or my friends.Okay maybe I do tell them sometimes what I'm thinking and what is playing on my mind.But trust me, it merely scratched the surface of what bothering me.
Just the thought of opening up to other people make me tremble.It is like I'm being prepped-up for an open-heart surgery.Where every single thing is exposed and vulnerable where one mistake can lead to fatal consequences.Some might wonder why the hell are you blogging if you don't want to share things with other people? Well I think it is because I feel safe because people don't know who I am and eventhough they read the things that happened, they really don't know what the hell is going on and what I have been through.What I have wrote and documented is just a rough story that have been simplified because I choose not to spill all of it.
My mother wonder and tell me how she feels.She told me on Mother's Day that she feels like she is losing me.She feels like we are growing apart and she thinks that there is nothing that she can do to fix it.She said that just the thought of one of her offspring being taken away,dead or separated from her is enough to make her to cry until she bleed.
I know that for this past few years there have been some rough patch between us.I know that some of my actions may have cross the line.I have nothing to say to defend myself.Eventhough people says that honesty is the best policy, I remains to keep the truth for I know that the truth that I'm keeping for you hurts.So I choose not to hurt you.I dont show how I appreciate you.You might think that I don't love you for the things that you have done in the past.You might think that I haven't forgive you, but trust me I'm really trying.If growing apart and emotionally empty is the solution, then that is the risk that I'm willing to take.
X+Kwok: Selamat Hari Ibu Ma.
Ma: Terima kasih sebab Along dengan Kwok dapat terima Ma seadanya.
*sigh* I know that we sound cold and plain.Our wishes is so cliche and blase.It seem like we didn't really mean it but I hope that you can see that still deep down inside we still have a shred of respect and love for you even if it is a shred, We are still trying to regain everything and fix everything.So Ma I hope that you understand that Kwok and me still love you eventhough we didn't show it like others.We are trying to grow back the love that have been lost once.
† My
doll smiled.
9:59 AM
1 commented
9:59 AM
1 commented
